So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
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