JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
