meet me or not, i'm out of control
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
