Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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