Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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