I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
