I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
