I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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