id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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