Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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