I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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