You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
