I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
