I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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