Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
