I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This is my gift to your gina
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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