he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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