do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
