Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
