I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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