just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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