chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's never too late to be topless.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
