So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
