dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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