On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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