The maid of honor just puked.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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