remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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