i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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