walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
