Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
