what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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