your thong is hanging out like whoa
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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