I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
