It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
