Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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