fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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