Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
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I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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