If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
