you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
