we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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