"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
