I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
