my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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