Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
