Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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