I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
