porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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