If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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