i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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