ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
