I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
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