based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
