its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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