ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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