my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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