she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
