Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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