I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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