genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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