There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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