Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Drake has all the answers
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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