He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
